Bartonella Hanselae, Incorporated.

Tired of your scrawny unswollen lymph glands? Don't you wish your body temperature was closer to 98.6 -- Celsius? Lost your window to get hepatitis from Pamela Anderson-Lee-Rock-Anderson? (Not the same type, yeah I know, shush.)

Try some bartonella hanselae, or it's hairier and sweatier name, "cat-scratch fever."